This post contains some strong, offensive language directed mostly towards Vince McMahon. You have been warned.
Take a brief look at this year’s card for WrestleMania 33, one of the worst in recent memory:
- Roman Reigns vs The Undertaker
Who the fuck wants to see Roman fight Taker?? You could have put Taker versus Braun Strowman — listen to everyone’s reaction in the Raw arena when Taker confronted Braun in the ring a few weeks back. THAT would be an interesting match. It’s very rare to have another wrestler match Taker in both height and size, they are physically built for each other. I don’t expect Braun to beat Taker, but if they could wrestle at least a decent match, it would give a huge credible boost to Braun. I’ll admit that I didn’t like Braun from the start and I hated how Sami Zayn was booked against him. But he is very slowly improving in the ring, and I can see him put in effort in his matches. Which is already way better than what Roman and Shitberg are capable of.
You could have even booked AJ Styles vs Taker and bill it as “The Phenomonal One vs The Phenom.” This would be another interesting dream match. Instead, Taker gets Roman. What the hell, Vince.
While on the topic of AJ Styles…
- AJ Styles vs Shane McMahon
Wow, this is one match that has me totally scratching my head. The biggest PPV of the year, featuring one of the most consistently top performers in the world for the past few years… and you put him against a non-active wrestler like Shane. I have nothing against Shane, he was an above-average wrestler back in the day (definitely better than Roman and Shitberg) and he knows how to entertain the crowd with his big, high-risk daredevil moves.
But WHY waste a WrestleMania match for AJ Styles like this?? Put him against Dolph Ziggler or Apollo Crews. Or bring in a surprise opponent from NXT like Tye Dillinger or Eric Young. Allow Styles to help elevate some of the underlooked talent on the WWE roster on the grandest stage. Instead, you put him against Vince McMahon’s inactive-wrestler son. Fucking chee bye.
- Four-way match for the Raw women’s championship
- Six-way (??) match for the Smackdown women’s championship
Title matches featuring more than two wrestlers at once is always not a good idea. Even NXT tried this recently with a four-way for the NXT women’s championship, and the match wasn’t very good.
When one pair of wrestlers are locking up and dueling each other, what do you expect the remainder to do? They’ll usually have to “lay low” outside and wait for the right moment to enter the ring and perform a “swap”, which will seriously affect the match’s pacing as attention has to be switched back-and-forth between different competitors. TNA used to have amazing matches featuring three-or-more wrestlers, but there was one crucial difference: They have a six-sided ring, which has more surface area compared to a traditional four-sided one.
I can’t understand why it’s so difficult to give Bayley or Alexa Bliss a singles opponent. Isn’t it what they deserve, at the very least? To defend their title on the grandest stage against the worthiest contender?
- Brock Lesnar vs Shitberg
Fuck Goldberg. Don’t you dare bring your son to an NXT arena or any other wrestling promotion. Because once he sees how other wrestlers are able to perform so much better than you, he’ll wonder why his father can only wrestle matches that end in less than two fucking minutes. And don’t you dare use age as an excuse. Christopher Daniels from Ring of Honor is 47-years-old, just three years younger than Shitberg, and he is the current ROH champion after winning the belt from Adam Cole in a decent match.
Kurt Angle was actively wrestling at 47-years-old at the start of 2016 and he was always putting in decent matches every week at TNA. He was only forced to retire because of a neck injury, and despite that he was able to wrestle some memorable final matches against Drew Galloway and Bobby Lashley.
What the fuck are you able to do in the ring compared to these two guys, Shitberg? Prove me wrong or fuck off again back to wherever you retired to, and don’t ever come back.
After watching Wrestle Kingdom 11 live in Japan, and witnessing one of the greatest matches of all time (Kazuchika Okada vs Kenny Omega), my standards for big wrestling PPV events is at an all-time high. If NJPW can do it, why can’t you Vince? It’s not fucking rocket science.
Instead, we get fucking Roman Reigns vs The Undertaker.